I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
