Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My hand turned me down
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
