i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
