i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
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Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
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Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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