Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
