how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
