She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
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THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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