I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
