can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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