Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
