I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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