I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
