Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Shame is for Republicans.
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