Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
