Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
