nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
