listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
