I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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