thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
