Just cropdusted the office
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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