My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
