Barsexuality is the new black.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
