We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
