she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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