hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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