Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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