her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
