You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
