Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
