i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We left the knife in your bed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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