If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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