guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
this is an emotional support booty call
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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