I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
