is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
