She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize