thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
