i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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