woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
