i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
