I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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