I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
