Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
