i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize