I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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