i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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