i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
