Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
