Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
