I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
