somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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