I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
