A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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