So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
