I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
