guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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