one word: firstdatebathroomanal
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
