Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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