he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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