i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
